• The outlook is novelty and exquisite.
• The emitting light is soft, without coruscate.
  and it is good to protect your eyesight.
• Adjustable the orientation freely, no noise, low power consumption.
• May make up the light for you work in the less light.

Sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up.

It’s amazing what you find on the box when you buy the cheapest four port USB hub you can and it turns out to have a daft light on the top.

…on the fourth and fifth days of this month I did perpetrate the true evil of a macro system by token filter in Lua 5.1. I offer this patch as evidence of my transgressions.

So deep was my sin that I did not even make it recursively expand macros, nor did I develop anything actually useful using the technology I did perpetrate. Then, to compound my sin did I present a talk to the assembled masses and they did rain down scorn upon my folly.

…With apologies to Skunk Anansie

How can your face be so angry?
When all you’re doing is looking at code.
You chastise me for my bad software
It’s gonna last too long.

What to do now but refactor?
All those unit tests you tried to write.
This code will never be covered.
Gonna last too long.

You’re still a fuck up
You’re still a fuck up
You’re still a fuck up, with bugs.

You know, Lucifer cried when you wrote that line.
And the heavens rained down on your sloppy code.
What’s left now that’s not tested,
Shouldn’t last too long.

Naaa, naaa, na na na na naaa naaa.

It feels, so, slow
And it looks, so, shit
But it’s all the same,
It is all the same,
What a crock!

And I believe this is checked nowhere.
Maybe there are tests,
But they’re rarely used.
Every bug’s hard to discover.
And they last.. Too.. Long….

You’re still a fuck up
You’re still a fuck up
You’re still a fuck up, with bugs.

…Apologies to the Pet Shop Boys

Another night, with failing tests
Too late to sleep, you just can’t rest
You’re short of breath, is it a heart attack?
Hot and feverish you face the fact

You’re reviewed, and it feels like shame
Because they’ve gone and made a fool of you in public again
You’re reviewed, and it feels like pain
Because you know there’s too much truth in everything they claim

So ask yourself now: Can you deliver
What they want you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even consider
Deploying this code?

You drift into the strangest memes
List comprehensions, and bad idioms,
Admit you’re wrong, oh, no, not yet
Then you wake up and remember that you can’t forget

They made you some kind of laughing stock
Because you don’t write OO, and your code don’t rock
They make fun, and not just in their heads
Said they were gonna go and write themselves some real code instead

So ask yourself now: Can you deliver
If they beg you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even consider
Deploying this code?
Or do you want to hack?
But that’s childish, so childish!
(But that’s childish, so childish!)

Remember when you were more easily led
With DB objects all in your head
Trembling as your dreams came true
You looked right into that old code and knew

It was shit, and now you can’t pretend
You’ve forgotten all the lessons and what they portend
It’s bad enough, they know how you code
But they’re not prepared recognise the things it bodes.

So ask yourself now: Can you deliver
If they beg you to?
Ask yourself: Can you even consider
Deploying this code?
Ask yourself now: Can you deliver
If they beg you to?
And ask yourself: Can you even consider
Deploying this code?
Or do you want to hack?
But that’s childish, so childish!